Here is something J and I were talking about the other night in bed:
What is the difference between emotional, physical, and romantic relationships?
Is romance the combination of both emotional and physical attraction? Do you need both to have a romantic relationship?
Is infatuation just shallower emotional and physical attraction (largely due to simply not knowing the other person very well yet)? Is a romantic relationship a deeper emotional and physical reaction?
Does this explain why J, who identifies as straight, can have an emotionally intimate relationship with a good male friend, but does not ever feel like he has had a romantic relationship with a good male friend? Is the physical attraction and physical relationship the missing piece?
Does it explain why that several women I know like having sex with other women (the physical attraction and relationship) but don't want to experience the romantic side because they don't enjoy the emotional relationship with women?
Where does mental attraction and chemistry fit in? I have felt emotionally and physically intimate with partners, but the mental attraction is lacking, and have then generally felt a disinterest in having much of a romantic relationship with them.
What entails a "romantic relationship"? What do I want out of a romantic relationship? Do I want to go on dates with that person, cuddle with them, lay in bed with them, make breakfast with them?
Does chemistry need to be there first before any of those other kinds of relationships are satisfying? What draws us to people, even in a platonic/non-romantic sense?
CHEMISTRY!! Gah! :D
Most of the time I don't even think about this, and it's not something that triggers me every time we meet new people or go to our club... but sometimes it does come up for me.
I remember at 13, thinking This is it? This is all I get up here?
I like my tits a lot, but sometimes I wish they were bigger. So much is made of boob size in our media, and while I believe the vast majority of people probably just like tits, because, well, they're tits, I get hung up on the fact that someone might not like mine because they're small. (I used to have more of a body image issue with my tits, but Rational Emotive Therapy, which I wrote a post on a while back, really did help me rework some of my internal messages about my body and tits. It was extremely helpful.)
This is not just a female-bodied issues either. Messages about cock size are another force to be reckoned with. The research about partner and self preference about cock size is fascinating to me. Because the majority of nerve endings are in the lower third of the vagina, studies have shown that most female partners report pleasure with most cocks. "Most" people, not "average." Almost all. They come in all shapes and sizes, and yet they pretty much all feel good. I recognize this is easier for me to say since I don't have a cock, and I don't have to deal with all of the external messages and internalized tapes telling me that my cock looks wrong for whatever reason.
Instead I have to deal with those messages about tits. Can I apply my same logic? All tits are fun to play with and are sexy. I have never had a partner tell me mine aren't because of their size. And yet I see movies and TV shows and advertisements where characters are liked based on their boob size or are valued for boob size or express that having bigger boobs equals a more satisfied partner, a better sex life, or being liked more by others. "Bigger is better" is still the prevalent message, even if the people in my life contradict these messages.
Another thing that gets me in a weird way is that I get turned on playing with someone who has tits larger than mine, and I get turned on when I see J having sex with someone with larger tits. But I simultaneously get super frustrated because I want to feel what it feels like to have larger tits. It's this weird frustrated turn-on. *sigh* Just another way for me to grow and accept myself, my turn-ons, and embrace the ways in which we are all different.
Here is my next media recommendation:
Season 5 of The L Word, Episode 10 "Lifecycle." Here is a link to watch the episode: http://www.lwordseries.com/page/2/
The characters are sitting around a campfire, playing "I've never," and they all discover they have all cheated on a girlfriend. Interestingly, they all have different ideas of what "cheating" is. (Here's my plug for everyone discussing with their partner(s) what they think of cheating so that they are sure to know what their boundaries are.)
Start at minute 42:15 and watch for about three minutes.
We were both impressed with the fact that "monogamy" and "open relationship" made it into the conversation. Not only do I love this show for its hot eroticism of lady sex, but it does a pretty solid job of exposing different relationship and LGBTQ issues.
We just started watching "Weeds," and the show is as entertaining as 30 Rock and The Office for us (nothing compares to Seinfeld, of course!).
The following clip exemplifies why I love this show so much. The uncle, Andy, in the show gives his nephew, Shane, a lesson on masturbation. His lines and delivery are great, and I love all of his different names for come. While there is some less-than-ideal information (such as using honey as lube- I don't really think that's a great idea- sugar=yeast, right??), the last bit about how you can't masturbate too much because it relieves stress and boosts immune function is awesome :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWzOQTFwRBE
I wish more sex-positive, and accurate, information could work its way into mainstream media. I just have to appreciate it when I see it.
We met some new sexy friends, and they rocked our world!! Love that! Meeting other attractive, intelligent (emotionally, socially, sexually, cognitively), thoughtful, and yummy people undoes J and I. It is so awesome. We hadn't met a couple that we clicked with and felt chemistry with in so long. It was refreshing and amazing. Yummy pretty much describes it. Yuummmmm :D It also amps up our sex... which is so much fun! Cock sheaths + my Hitachi = heaven.
We went to the big Halloween party at our swingers club, and we went as a politician (Eliot Spitzer) and his call girl... haha! When I went to buy a dress, the women at the lingerie store said "Well, you definitely need something with leopard print!" Is that a stereotype of sex workers? Leopard print?? We completed the look with J wearing his sexy smokin' suit and an American flag lapel pin, and me with cash sticking out of my barely-there dress (when I brought it home, J was like "Oh! That's you dress?? I thought you were showing me a shirt!" hahaha). Anyways, as our friend who works there described it, it was definitely a "show night": so many people who were there were "once a year" swingers, or people who went so they could tell their vanilla friends that they had gone to a swingers club. There were definitely orgies going on, which is not that common for a regular weekend night. The number of people in there was overwhelming for both of us, and so although we may have otherwise played there, we stuck to socializing, meeting new people, and dancing. It was really great :D
And even though I bought new shoes for the night, and my feet were killing me, J convinced me to dance in the cage and take off my dress. And I absolutely loved it. Even though I have been dancing, the experiences of dancing as work and dancing in our club are two completely different things for me. I dated a girl for a bit a while ago who used to dance, and she was astounded that people just got naked at our club. I remember her saying "I'm used to people paying me to take off my clothes. I am not going to take mine off for nothing!" It was so interesting, too, because last night a girl got in the cage and she clearly had stripper moves. And she didn't take any clothes off. What is it about stripping that makes some dancers value their nakedness so much? Well it's obvious, I guess. If your naked body is now a commodity, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense that you would show it off for free. And yet, I have not felt that for myself. I still totally get off dancing at our club. It feels so much more like "my space," and because I clearly recognize it as not work, but as going out and having fun, and because it was a favorite activity of mine before I started dancing, there would be no reason why I wouldn't still enjoy it.
Today was the first day that I felt some hesitation about going to work. I think is has more to do with the fact that I didn't get a whole lot of sleep this weekend than anything to do with dancing, but I want to make sure to pay attention to those feelings. I ended up having a pretty fun shift, and am looking forward to working tomorrow :)
What entails a "romantic relationship"? What do I want out of a romantic relationship? Do I want to go on dates with that person, cuddle with them, lay in bed with them, make breakfast with them? 
