Size Envy

Most of the time I don't even think about this, and it's not something that triggers me every time we meet new people or go to our club... but sometimes it does come up for me.

I remember at 13, thinking This is it? This is all I get up here?

I like my tits a lot, but sometimes I wish they were bigger. So much is made of boob size in our media, and while I believe the vast majority of people probably just like tits, because, well, they're tits, I get hung up on the fact that someone might not like mine because they're small. (I used to have more of a body image issue with my tits, but Rational Emotive Therapy, which I wrote a post on a while back, really did help me rework some of my internal messages about my body and tits. It was extremely helpful.)

This is not just a female-bodied issues either. Messages about cock size are another force to be reckoned with. The research about partner and self preference about cock size is fascinating to me. Because the majority of nerve endings are in the lower third of the vagina, studies have shown that most female partners report pleasure with most cocks. "Most" people, not "average." Almost all. They come in all shapes and sizes, and yet they pretty much all feel good. I recognize this is easier for me to say since I don't have a cock, and I don't have to deal with all of the external messages and internalized tapes telling me that my cock looks wrong for whatever reason.

Instead I have to deal with those messages about tits. Can I apply my same logic? All tits are fun to play with and are sexy. I have never had a partner tell me mine aren't because of their size. And yet I see movies and TV shows and advertisements where characters are liked based on their boob size or are valued for boob size or express that having bigger boobs equals a more satisfied partner, a better sex life, or being liked more by others. "Bigger is better" is still the prevalent message, even if the people in my life contradict these messages.

Another thing that gets me in a weird way is that I get turned on playing with someone who has tits larger than mine, and I get turned on when I see J having sex with someone with larger tits. But I simultaneously get super frustrated because I want to feel what it feels like to have larger tits. It's this weird frustrated turn-on. *sigh* Just another way for me to grow and accept myself, my turn-ons, and embrace the ways in which we are all different.