HUMP! 2013

Read all about it here!

My life is complete! For now! Because we have now been to HUMP! 2013! 

Here is/was the line-up (the festival is in Portland next weekend):



My favorites/points of interest/etc.:

-I voted The Legend of Gabe Harding as Best Humor (J voted this way as well). I love that it featured male porn stars’ performance issues remedied via a male fluffer. Other favorite “humor” pieces included Mouthpiece, Japanese Catholic Lesbian School Girls in Love, and Raiders of the Lost Arse.

-I voted His as Best Kink. It was fucking spectacular. One, I absolutely adore “Crave You” (Adventure Club remix, obvs); the movement in the piece was beautifully synchronized with the song. Two, rope = sexy. Three, the D/S component to the relationship was represented gorgeously. I can’t say enough lovey things about this one. It gave me shivers. Second runner-up for Best Kink was Fun With Fire. Both J and I enjoyed this one because it showed the real interactions between the couple, including shock, laughter, hesitance, trust, and comfort. It was also pretty great. J voted for Fun With Fire as Best Kink.

-For Best Sex, I voted Sex House. I loved the raunchy, sweaty, drug-filled atmosphere and the desirous, hot sex between the two lesbian couples. Surprising to J and our sexy friends, I also loved Daddy’s Dolls. I thought the lead person was hot as fuck, and the sensuality radiating between her (using female pronouns because I don’t know what is most appropriate) and the other person was super hot for me to watch. I almost voted Ouroboros as Best Sex, but then decided to vote it as Best in Show; J did vote Ouroboros for Best Sex.

-Best in Show: Ouroboros. It was such a well-done piece. After showing the sex scene between two gay men, the film rewinds scene by scene, back to the hallway and the club and the drinking and the dancing and finally back to a scene of one of the men laying down to masturbate to porn featuring him and the man we see him with at the beginning of the film (a little confusing to relate via text, but it was breathtaking).

[Consider the definition of Ouroboros, in case you weren't aware (from Wikipedia):
"The Ouroboros or Uroboros is an ancient symbol depicting a serpent or dragon eating its own tail. The Ouroboros often symbolize self-reflexivity or cyclicality, especially in the sense of something constantly re-creating itself, the eternal return, and other things such as the phoenix which operate in cycles that begin anew as soon as they end. It can also represent the idea of primordial unity related to something existing in or persisting from the beginning with such force or qualities it cannot be extinguished."
Love it!]

J voted for Raiders of the Lost Arse as Best in Show- he thought it was really clever because of all of the movie and copyright references it made.

Other pieces that are so noteworthy but just didn’t make it into my voting:

-Fuck: Also phenomenal. Slam poetry about fucking narrates over gorgeous images of Black women in the nude. I loved the representation of women of color and the representation of fat women. And, the slam poetry itself was powerful.

-Art Primo: I loved the sensual and slow nature of this one. It reminded me of ArtPorn- the stylized nature reminded me of boudoir photos.

-Inspired Surreality: Yay! We totes know these rockin’, smokin’ porn stars! Well done, you two! Super sexy.

This year’s bonus props were bowling balls, butt plugs, and Hillary Clinton, so there were quite a few pieces with those props. Other common themes: come shots (soooo many come shots this year). And there were two pieces that featured instruments (Mouthpiece and Beethoven’s Stiff). There was also quite a bit of both gay and lesbian sex. And, I was impressed and happy to see the number of pieces that showed condom use.

Yay HUMP! We even got Dan Savage as our MC and I EVEN bought myself a HUMP! shirt. Because I am cool like that ;)

Anal Sex & Lube

My boyfriend wants to do anal with me and i have heard that it hurts a lot, is there any lube which can make it less painful.

My first response for you: Do you want to have anal sex? Anal sex requires a lot of warm-up to ensure that it is a pleasurable experience, it requires a lot of communication, and it most likely will require that you are actually into it. Isn't sex generally better when you are turned on and into what you are doing? Remember that our brains are our biggest sex organs, and that the physical/genital part of sex if going to be much more amazing if your brain is into the situation. (And for a lot of people, being mentally turned on is a prerequisite to being physically turned on. For me, if I am not feeling like exploring anal sex, it will be nearly impossible to warm up my ass, even with a finger. I have to mentally be into it first, before my body will physically respond.)

So, if you are not into anal play at all, I would encourage you to articulate for yourself why and then communicate that to your boyfriend. Or maybe you are interested in exploring anal play, but are mostly interested in just using fingers; maybe the idea of a butt plug or dildo or cock in your ass shuts you down. Or maybe, you are really turned on at the thought of penetration with a cock, and you are really excited to work your ass up to that kind of ass play. Do some self-awareness work to make sure you know why you are, or are not, interested in ass play and then communicate that to your boyfriend.

If you do want to have anal sex, I would encourage you to explore anal play on your own before incorporating your partner. You can experiment with the kind of pressure and other sensations you like so that you are better equipped to explore partnered anal sex. I think it is also really important to know that it requires a lot of warm-up (with fingers, butt plugs, etc; and also remember that the "warm-up" part can be the ass play that you enjoy. Don't discount the "warm-up" as it can be just as pleasurable as penetration.). Lube is certainly part of the equation, but that isn't your single golden ticket to having a painless experience. Anal sex should not be painful. Ever. If it is, you need to listen to your body and move more slowly. I would highly recommend Tristan Taormino's The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. She offers a ton of amazing advice and ideas for exploring anal sex in a safe and pleasurable way.

In fact, because you mentioned that you heard that anal sex hurts a lot, here is Taormino's response to that very idea from her book:
"Anal sex should not hurt--not even a little. If it hurts, you're doing something wrong. Pain is your body's way of saying, 'This is not working for me right now," and we must listen to our bodies. If you ignore your body's warnings and continue, then you can hurt yourself. The experience may make you and your anus more tense the next time you try anal penetration. Your body remembers everything, so don't try to fool it. You don't have to 'work through the pain' to get to the pleasure. That's what you do at the gym, not during anal sex. With desire, relaxation, communication, and lots of of lubrication, anal sex can be not only pain-free but arousing and orgasmic." (p5)

That being said, my all-time favorite lube is Jo's Premium (silicone) lube. Because it is super thick, it works really well (for me) in the super-sensitive and delicate anal area. And because it is silicone, it definitely stays put when playing in the shower (one of my favorite places for doing anal play). I hope this helps!!

Self Care Time

Inspired by Barbara Wynne's blog dedicated to documenting her 60 days of self pleasure, and inspired by my own knowledge that I have to be able to provide to myself things that I need, I decided to actually schedule time in my calendar for self care.

I bought some yummy bubble bath at the store (two different kinds- why not?), and when I got home I ran a steaming hot bath and lit a candle. I did some chores while the tub filled (because a picked up living environment is part of how I feel sane and calm), and then put on a face mask. When the tub was filled, I closed the door and turned off the bathroom light. It was super lovely to just have the candle light. I dipped in and let my whole body sink into the hot water. The smell was heavenly, and I remembered how much I love bubbles in my bath. Since dancing, the hot water I have enjoyed has either been an epsom salt bath (which is amazing for sore muscles) or the hot tub at our gym (which I love because of the jets, but the chlorine kills me). This was perfect, though, because what I was really going for was aromatherapy and silky water. I got it.

And almost immediately after getting settled in, I felt turned on. I wanted to really be with myself. I have been feeling pretty down about myself lately, body image wise. I focused on simply meditating: appreciating each part of my body, and trying to send loving energy to each part of my body. I caressed my whole body slowly and gently, thinking nice thoughts to myself. Eventually, I began to play with my pussy and ass and tits and had an enveloping orgasm. I squeezed my tits hard, fingered my ass, vigorously rubbed my clit, and even murmured dirty things to myself. I felt deeply relaxed and at peace afterward and felt my afterglow until I had drained the tub and rinsed off in the shower with cool water.

Remember to care for yourself and to truly appreciate yourself. Take time to remember why you love you. Honor yourself.

Sexy Shower Time

So in my ongoing quest to rediscover my orgasms sans Hitachi, I pulled out one of my favorite dildos to use in the shower. (I've had some awesome ones with J recently, too. Cowgirl has been one of the best positions to really get into. I have remembered that after a lot of G spot stimulation, my clit gets more and more sensitive and the sensation alone of J's lower abdomen on my clit while I ride him is definitely enough to get me off. They are beautiful, full-body, writhing-with-pleasure kinds of orgasms. The ones that mean I can hardly move afterwards.)

You know when the mood strikes you- you just feel turned on from being alive and realize you need to satisfy that itch?

So I did. I got my awesome dildo out, my silicone lube, and got in the shower. I love the suction cup base and I love the challenge from the size of the dildo. I even fingered my ass, which I rarely do. I came multiple times, and my last amazing orgasm happened while I was riding the dildo and fingering my ass. I loved the sensation on my finger of my ass and pussy contracting, relaxing, pulsating while I orgasmed. 

There is something, too, about being sexy in the shower- or any water for that matter. I love being sexy in hot tubs and at the lake and in the ocean. It's different for me than my other preferred masturbating area- in my bedroom in front of the closet mirror. I realized that all of my processing and stress from the past couple of months left me dry of my personal sex life, and I feel happy that I have been feeling in the mood again, and aware enough to take advantage of myself ;-) 

I am also happy to have a more consistent personal sex life again, as this was something that came up for me in counseling a little while ago. It had to do with being in touch with myself and giving myself the touch and intimacy that I desire in my life. I feel relaxed and happy remembering that I can give myself some of those things that I desire.

Pegging, Cock Sheaths, and Filming Oh MY!

Read this on my new site, SexualityReclaimed!

***

J and I had quite the adventurous weekend... full of:

Pegging.
Yes, pegging. I cannot even explain the amount of mental stimulation this gives me. We warmed J's ass up with some fingering and his prostate massagers. And then I put on my red cherry leather harness (hot!), and wait for it... my Avator cock. O. M. G. I slid it in to his ass slowly. I loved doing it with him on his back so I could watch his face. And I loved doing it while he was on his stomach so I could lay on him and pound away. It was incredible. He barely needed any extra stimulation to come. I gave him a barely-there hand massage while he was on his back and my Avatar cock slid in and out. It was hooottttt. Because my blue dildo is also double-ended and comes equipped with a vibrator, I had a great time in the physical sensation department as well. I really enjoyed not only making him come in another way (by stimulating his ass and prostate) but also  the power play dynamic. Feeling like I was the penetrator and he was the penetratee was awesome.

Cock Sheaths.
This is our new favorite toy, I think. Also known as penis extenders, they are more heavily marketed to gay men. So if you want to find a high quality one, look on gay sex toy sites. The idea is to add girth and length. Again: O. M. G. Using one requires the same kind of warm up that ass play requires. I need my pussy stretched out with fingering and dildo play. I need lots and lots and lots of lube. But once J + his cock sheath is in me, I frickin' love it. I love it. One drawback is that my vulva and lips get pretty sore if we're not careful with keeping enough lube on. J bought one initially off of Amazon. It is rubber and goes on sort of like a harness. He liked it because it inadvertently warmed up his ass by rubbing his ass with the strap. We went to a sex toy store and made an upgrade. This one is silicone and slips onto his cock like an extra thick condom. It feels better for both of us. Our best experience with it was when I slid myself onto his cock in doggy style, and once it was all the way in, J pounded me until he came. And then he pulled out and I came sooo much with my Hitachi. Whew.

And more camera work.
We filmed J using his cock sheath on me, and it was really hot to watch. Unfortunately, it is just barely the wrong angle; I can't see his cock moving in and out of me. BUT! We are going to do it again! (Of course!) Also- we are definitely going to film a pegging session. We are now looking for someone willing to come film us so that we can have all of the best angles documented...

Oh. My. GOD. :D

I Found It!!

I finally found J's p spot! And brought him to spectacular orgasm! YESSSS!!! :-D

This must be what it feels like for a partner who finds his/her partner's g spot. It was incredible!

I loved the whole experience- lubing him up, giving him an awesome blow job, dirty talking, and slowly working my fingers into him. As I stroked his p spot he became more and more aroused, I could feel his p spot getting bigger and bigger until finally I watched him cum. It was absolutely crazy how much it felt like fingering a vagina. Really similar orgasmic contractions, only way stronger.

We invested in a couple new toys for him- prostate massagers. We haven't used them yet, as we are still working our way up to them. But we also got Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Pegging (which is something we both want to do very badly!!), which has had some really helpful tips so far for anal play. Such as the fact that the prostate is about 2-3 inches inside the rectum- I wasn't successful in locating it until now because for some reason thought it was much closer to the opening. And seeing actors in positions that work for them to stimulate the prostate was also really helpful. I love educational porn! Totally helpful, and puts me even more in the mood, because I'm like "Oooo I want to do that!" :-D

Yay. :-)

Anal Sex Experiences

This is a post partly inspired by the work of James Pennebaker, who has done a lot of research on writing as a means to express emotion, and to ultimately lower stress experienced from past events. I also wanted to explore my thoughts more on how anal play fits into my present and future sex life.

My first serious boyfriend in high school was sort of a jerk. He was one of those jerks that made you feel special if he was talking to you. My mom liked him; she thought he had an "open" face. He was generally respectful and considerate. His mom made us fried rice. He never had a curfew. He spent practically all of his time, money, and energy on his teal Chevrolet truck, which, incidentally, had its own tiny version of itself. The miniature teal Chevrolet truck sat on the dash, reminding me every time I got inside to go to a football game or to a movie, that perhaps this person I was dating was not the most mature person in the world. (But then again- I was in high school)

This was the person I first had sex with. It was very cliche. After prom. In his uncle's Escalade. He bought condoms on our way home from prom. We parked in a public park's parking lot and had sex in the back seat. I was 15. He was 16. 

I remember feeling so turned on, and so ready to do it. My mom and I had talked a couple of months before. She told me that if I needed birth control when I was in college, that she would be able to help me with that. I thought to myself, what a cool Mom! I felt supported, which also helped me feel ready with my decision. I felt like I was being safe, I was having very consensual and loving, respectful sex. I felt positively about my decision, and looking back, it still feels like a positive and healthy experience.

Anyways, after our first time, we couldn't wait to do it again. (duh) But finding the right time was always so difficult. I had the strictest curfew of anyone I knew. I could hardly go over to a friend's house without getting five phone calls from my parents. We had to design an elaborate plan: I would get permission to spend the day with him going on errands. We really did do those things, too. Visiting relatives, going to the bank, grocery store, etc. Except we stopped by his empty house in the middle of the day. 

We started in his bedroom, where we started with vaginal sex. Because he had a small bed, we moved to his parents' room... I remember feeling guilty and ashamed for lying to my parents. I remember feeling uncomfortable with how sneaky I was being. So I probably was not turned on. I wanted to have sex, but I think that those negative feelings definitely impacted my experience.

In his parents' room, I can't exactly remember what happened, and what was said. I don't particularly remember his asking me if he could try anal penetration, but he might have. What I do remember is him penetrating me anally, me feeling a deep sense of shame, and him pulling out after 10-30 seconds. I was shaky and guilty. I didn't know what had just happened. We took a shower to rinse off. I know I didn't orgasm at all from our second experience, and I remember really intense feelings of remorse.

I started reading Tristan Taormino's The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women this past week. Since J and I have opened up and had so many explicit and honest conversations with one another about our desires, fears, boundaries, and fantasies, I have felt exponentially more comfortable with the idea of trying anal sex again. I honestly want to try it again, and reading Tristan's book has been a liberating experience. For example, this paragraph spoke to me since it is pretty much what I experienced:

"Some people's fears may be about anal sex being difficult, uncomfortable, painful, or impossible to enjoy. Women especially often veto anal sex because of a negative experience in the past. If a past partner tried to go from zero to sixty in five seconds by sticking his dick in your ass without warm-up, lube, or communication, then chances are it hurt a lot and you never want to do it again. Bad sexual experiences are difficult to overcome: who'd want to repeat something awful? Your partner needs to reassure you: this time, with him, it will be different. He'll take his time, use plenty of lube, and work your ass up to his cock. You will be in control of the pace, and he'll stop if you say so." (p.21)

Since starting her book and having more conversation with J and our other partners about anal, I am so excited to work on warming up my mind and body to anal sex. J and I have tried a little anal fingering, and some slow full penetration. It feels good, and I also know that taking even longer to warm up, getting really turned on, and practicing to relax my muscles and mind will make it an even more enjoyable experience. I am so grateful that J and I have been having the conversations and experiences that make it possible for both of us to more fully process and move forward from our past experiences.