For lack of a better word. What I really mean is: boring, uncomfortable, or stressful. My most recent DA post is on this.
These experiences can feel isolating and just plain crappy. Who wants to be the person to put a halt to the fun everyone else seems to be having? But- it's much better to be this person (in a calm, assertive, and communicative way) than to be the person that holds in insecurities, fears, and needs, resulting in a gross group energy. (been there, done that way too many times) It just takes time to figure out what kind of energies, constellations, and contexts work for you, which means sometimes experiencing less-than-ideal situations. Viewing your experiences as vehicles for personal growth will help you retain a sense of fun, adventure, and love, instead of cutting yourself (and potentially your partner) off from new experiences and people.
I failed to mention in my post for DA how crappy group sex can feel when you or your partner breaks a boundary that was agreed to before the encounter. You may find out about the boundary-breaking during or after the encounter, and I think these instances really do just suck. They can wear down the trust between you and your partner, and take a lot of processing and communicating before apologies are made, forgiveness is felt and given, and you can move forward. Again, I think viewing the experience as a vehicle for personal growth can help facilitate feelings of resolution.
Here is the first part of my post on when group sex sucks (make sure to go read the whole thing!):
"Sometimes group sex experiences are amazing and mind-blowing and way more fun than watching 'Batman.'
But sometimes they are boring, uncomfortable or stressful.
I’m going to shed some light on some of my experiences. (Make sure to look at some of my awesome threesome experiences, too!)
Most of my negative experiences with group sex have resulted from feeling uncomfortable with something or being left out or threatened and not speaking up about it.
So even though I didn’t say anything verbally, J. could always tell by my energy, body language and facial expressions, which would make him really uncomfortable.
Without communicating properly, assertively and in the moment, I have had several less-than-ideal group sex experiences.
That being said, each and every one has taught me something about myself and what kind of support I need.
These experiences have also given me a chance to reflect on what I want and how I need to communicate it."