More on chemistry- yay!!
What happens when I am in a space with, say, nine people that I feel varying levels of attraction to and chemistry with?
I go a little nuts! Having the experience of being around so many sexy and fun people showed me how I satisfying it feels to have an open relationship. I can experience my desire and attraction inside myself- it literally makes me feel a little buzzed. I feel super energetic and happy and on top of the world.
Talking with J revealed some possible differences in how we experience chemistry and attraction. For him (possibly- he hasn't totally decided if this is accurate for him), he thinks that he may only be able to feel chemistry with another person besides me. Because he is seeking one other main emotional/romantic relationship, he thinks he may put his energy into only really feeling the attraction he has for another person.
Whereas I am kind of chemistry slut, you could say. I feed off of it and I feel like I radiate it back. Also, though, in situations like the one I found myself in, I am then unable to focus on any one person and my relationship with them. I end up acting a little more casually, which is unintentional.
Which brings me to another point that I have been talking about with J: I used to think that I could have casual sex relatively easily. And we have had some casual encounters in the past year and a half. But more and more, I realize that I need chemistry and attraction to build. I need the "mystery," if you will, to last a little longer than a night. In order to have satisfying sex with another person, it needs to feel more intimate and holisitic. And something like that just generally can't be built in an evening. I want soft kisses and dancing and flirting and cuddling. I don't want every encounter to be sexual. I want things to build and a history and foundation to be established.
I still think casual sex can happen and be really fun for me. Given good chemistry. But I think that chemistry plus intimacy equals much more satisfying sex. And I have been more into that latter experience lately. It feels safer somehow, perhaps emotionally. I will continue to ponder :)
Hope you all sin this weekend like we did ;-)