Thursday, June 21, 2012

Oh Mom

My parents were in town this past weekend and I thought I was going to come out to them as bi. I also thought this might lead to a conversation where I would come out to them as open. Neither really happened (unfortunately)- well I guess one sort of did.

Situation one: We're in the car. I tease my parents for having a bottle of Menage a Trois. My mom says, "Such a nasty name for a wine!" I was not prepared for the deep, visceral reaction I had to what she thought was a benign and acceptable comment. I felt so upset, offended, and angry that she would associated a threesome with "nasty." Really? It sounded like a very off-the-wall comment, one that she had never really thought about. The way she associated extra-dyadic sex with deviancy and immorality just made my skin crawl. And I didn't feel like I could say anything to contradict her without outing myself. Yuck.

Situation two: At a family BBQ. My cousin's otherwise very smart girlfriend says, "I don't think bi exists. I think you are either one or the other. I think people just have to choose." Cousin agrees, saying he thinks bisexuality "is just a phase people in their young 20s go through." I wanted to say- hey, there are three bi girls here right now. And none of us feels like it is a phase. What I did say was- umm I don't think so.

Situation three: Sunday morning brunch after the BBQ. I tell my mom about my conversation with cousin and cousin's girlfriend. I say, "Yeah, what I wanted to tell them was that there were three bi girls right there so it's obviously real." I watched my mom's forehead sort of crinkle. She nodded and agreed with me. Later that day I found out from my sister that my mom asked her about it- so K was talking about herself, you, and cousin? My sister confirmed. My mom didn't ask me anything more. So, I indirectly and sort of came out to my mom I guess? Didn't happen exactly how I wanted it to, but oh well...

Situation four: At the Pride Parade. I really wanted to come out that day; I felt like it would be a good way to broach the subject. But I just didn't have the courage to have an explicit conversation about it. Gah!

I can't wait to get up the courage to just talk to my parents about everything. It will feel so good at some point to have it out in the open. 

No comments:

Post a Comment