Read this and more on SexualityReclaimed :)
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I was assigned to read a novel for a class next semester (assuming I
am still in school). The class is called Introduction to Ecopsychology,
the book Ecotopia.
The book itself is a little dorky, the writing okay, some presentations
of gender and race off (it was written in 1975), but the ideas inherent
in the story are thought-provoking (that an ecologically sound country
would totally revolutionize school, the work week would be 20 hours,
women run the government, cars are left behind in favor of bikes and
high speed rail, etc.).
I loved reading the following passages, too, that hint at values
within ethical nonmonogamy and polyamory and a societal structure of
relationship that echoes how I could see relationships operating if
polyamory were the norm instead of the rule:
“…It turns out she [Marissa, the main character's newfound lover
in Ecotopia] has a regular lover in the camp. But has somehow arranged
it so she can be with me during my stay. Lover is blond, shy, blushes a
lot about other things but doesn’t seem at all jealous about his woman
having made love with me. Evidently there are other women he can console
himself with! Wasn’t sure till nightfall who would sleep with whom. But
she came to the little cabin I’m assigned to, quite unanxious about the
whole situation.
…It’s as if the whole American psychodrama of mutual suspicion
between the sexes, demands and counterdemands and our desperate working
at sex like a problem to be solved, has left my head. Everything comes
from our feelings…” (p. 58-9).
and
“I don’t see, when I look at Ecotopian love relationships, or
marriages, that awful sense of constriction that we felt, the impact of a
rigid sterotyped set of expectations- that this was the way we were
going to relate to each other forever, that we had to, in order to somehow survive in a hostile universe.
Ecotopians’ marriages shade off more gradually into extended family
connections, into friendships with both sexes. Individuals don’t perhaps
stand out as sharply as we do; they don’t present themselves as
problems or gifts to each other, more as companions. Nobody is was
essential (or as expendable) here as with us. It is all fearfully
complex and dense to me, yet I can see that it’s the density that
sustains them- there are always good solid alternatives to any
relationship, however intense. Thus they don’t have our terrible
agonizing worries when a relationship is rocky. This saddens me somehow-
it seems terribly unromantic. It’s their usual goddamned realism: they
are taking care of themselves, of each other. Yet I can see too that
it’s that very realism that allows them to be silly and irresponsible
sometimes, because they know they can afford it; mistakes are never
irreparable, they are never going to be cast out alone, no matter what
they do… And perhaps this even makes marriages last better- they have
lower expectations than we do, in some ways. A marriage is a less
central fact of a person’s life, and therefore it is not so crucial that
it be altogether satisfying (as if anything or anybody was ever
altogether satisfying.) …” (p 117-8).
Cheers!
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