Monday, April 1, 2013

Whoa! Happy 2nd Open Anniversary To Us!

OMFG. How does the time go so fast??

April 1. April Fool's Day! 

Yes, it also happens to be our open anniversary. I am not sure if there is a funny joke in there, but I don't think I'll ever be able to forget the date. :-)

Last year, I wrote a post with our favorite books and podcasts and the lessons we had learned so far in our journey. I wanted to try something similar for this year.

April 1, 2013

Some favorite new books: Sexual Intelligence, America's War on Sex, Not Under My Roof, Polyamory in the 21st Century, Insatiable Wives, The Monogamy Gap, and Hard to Get 

Some old lessons wrapped up new: 
-Try to stay level-headed when experiencing NRE; don't make rash decisions when in your delicious NRE phase.
-Let relationships be what they will. Don't force a person into a role.
-Define your open relationship ethics. Do your darndest to live by them. If you mess up, acknowledge it, forgive yourself and others, and move forward.
-Continue to expand your sense of sexual and erotic intelligence. This applies to activities, behaviors, body image, and more.
-Stick by your alternative sexualities community. This includes: LGBTQ, open, poly, swingers, BDSM, tantra, sacred spirituality, fetishists, kinky, and all other people who experience their gender, sexual orientation, and sexual identities, needs, and preferences as something that does not fall within the vanilla/boring/mainstream/traditional bleh sea of missionary, hetero sex. (ha!)
-Rejection is a lesson in loving and appreciating yourself anyway, even if someone else doesn't in the way you want them to.

Some goals going forward (for me, K):
-Continue my challenging introspective work so that I continue to be a more independent individual
-Practice active listening, paraphrasing, validation, and verbal reassurance
-Re-read Sex at Dawn 
-Continue planning our party intentionally and thoughtfully
-Direct massive energies at recreating a fantastic open community, if we end up moving this summer (and if we don't, continue building and maintaining the amazing one we have). I can't bear the thought of not having one!
-Keep putting myself out there in the wonderful world of dating women. Keep my heart open.
-Pay attention to chemistry, and the lack thereof. Pay attention to the person, and not a need or behavior I am focused on.
-Read (more) books on: sex therapy; healthy, unhealthy, and abusive/violent relationships; nonviolent communication; LGBTQ experiences; etc. 

J realized that this anniversary just about marks the point that a third of our relationship has been spent open now. I think that is awesome!! Yay us! I LOVE YOU J!!!

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