D/S, Porn Theater, & A Gay Male Strip Club

You know the scene in Aladdin where Jasmine is shackled and does everything Jafar commands? That scene has turned me on since I was a kid. I never understood it, and as I grew up, I pushed the scene out of my head, because surely, any intelligent feminist with a head screwed on properly would not get turned on by nonconsensual submission. Well, thank goodness for Yes Means Yes (remember this post of mine?) and for being able to take a step out of the "this kind of sex is right and that kind is wrong" box. 

Well, J and I have been exploring our D/S relationship more and more in the past few weeks. That includes J being pretty rough with me during sex and telling me what to do. He holds my neck, we have experimented with choking (not to the point where I can't actually breathe), forces my head down, slaps my face, spanks me, pulls my hair, and tells me how he wants to use my body. I love it. I enter this space where I feel totally free. I don't decide anything and I feel so submissive. My brain just lets go. I give all of my power over to J and it feels so connecting and freeing. I don't know if I can explain it any better. I know that J has had to work at being in a dominant space (he has explained that it doesn't come to him naturally), but the more we experiment, the more it seems like he lets himself be a dominant to me. He tells me what a good girl I am and uses deliciously derogatory language.

The other night we J got totally into the dominant space and played with me and got me all worked up. I have never been so flushed in the face. He ordered me to get ready to go out and that I would have to do everything he told me to while we were out; it would end once I got him off when we were back home. I was in heaven.

We decided to check out a porn theater. We had never been before, and it was as seedy as everyone has told us it is. It made us appreciate the rules that prevail at our swingers' club, not to mention the cleanliness and attention to detail. In my submissive space though, I almost let my exhibitionist side win out; J really wanted me to masturbate on the bed in the front of the theater. But then we both looked at each other, too grossed out from how much of a "jack shack" it was, and decided to leave. Better luck elsewhere.

Luckily for us, we happened by a gay male strip club that I had been dying to go to for ages. We went in and I loved it. You know how many female strippers are pretty hot? Well, many male strippers are pretty damn hot, too. And, it was so much fun to see J get hit on! And I loved how welcoming the space was. I saw straight couples and lesbian couples, and tons and tons of gay couples. It was so different compared to the heteronormative feeling of female strip clubs. It was also more like a night club, and I really enjoyed how social it felt.

That night, after getting J off and being released from the my submissive state, I had some crazy dreams. I was captured and held hostage, forced to do things I can't remember, chained against my will. I have never really had conscious nonconsensual fantasies before, but maybe they are there, deep in my psyche. There's always more to look forward to ;-)