Have you heard that old relationship advice? "Never expect your partner to change." That advice only resonates with me so far. The way I see it, you probably should be happy with your partner day-to-day, feel like your values are in congruence, and that the principles that you live by and strive to live by are similar. But people change. Relationships change. And, like the passage below describes, it can be quite true that people change day-to-day. The present is different than the past. Relate again, and discover each other always. I love the below passage.
"To think that you know your wife is
very, very ungrateful. How can you know the woman? How can you know the man?
They are processes, not things. The woman that you knew yesterday is not there
today. So much water has gone down the Ganges; she is somebody else, totally
different. Relate again, start again, don't take it for granted...
Relating means you are always starting,
you are continuously trying to become acquainted. Again and again, you are
introducing yourself to each other...You are trying to unravel a mystery that
cannot be unraveled. That is the joy of love: the exploration of consciousness.
And if you relate, and don't reduce it to
a relationship, then the other will become a mirror to you. Exploring him,
unawares you will be exploring yourself, too. Getting deeper into the other,
knowing his feelings, his thoughts, his deeper stirrings, your will be knowing
your own deeper stirrings, too. Lovers become mirrors to each other, and the
love becomes a meditation...
In relationship both persons become blind
to each other...
Just your eyes become old, your
assumptions become old, your mirror gathers dust and you become incapable of
reflecting the other" (p56-7)
Here is another quote I loved as I read this Osho book. I am going to let it stand on its own. I have nothing to add right now :)
"...if love is there, your love the
person more because you know. If is there, it survives. If it is not there it
disappears. Both are good.
To an ordinary state of mind, what I call
love is not possible. It happens only when you have a very integrated being.
Love is a function of the integrated being. It is not romance, it has nothing
to do with these foolish things. It goes directly to the person and looks into
the soul. Love then is a sort of affinity with the innermost being of the other
person--but then it is totally different...
But I am not saying that one has to cling.
One has to be alert and aware. If your love consists of just these foolish
things, it will disappear. It is not worth bothering about. But if it is real,
then through turmoils it will survive. So just watch..." (p61)