Rejection and dejection are two issues that we haven't had to deal much with since opening up, but definitely have been things we have been on both ends of. Being rejected, rejecting someone or a relationship, and feeling the subsequent dejection is hard stuff. I hate feeling like badly about a lack of chemistry, I hate feeling like "Hey! I'm a great person! Why don't you like me??," and I hate feeling so crummy after a rejection exchange.
One thing that we have realized, though, is that chemistry is just not something you fake or try too hard to grow. Although, chemistry for me kind be kind of an odd thing. There is that gut-feeling kind of chemistry, where I know right away- I dig this person. Then there is the more gradual kind of chemistry, which more slowly builds up and then I realize after a time, Oh yeah, I dig this person! What is crummy about the latter kind of chemistry is that I give myself time to see if chemistry will build up, and then if it doesn't, it is even more difficult to tell my partner, makes my partner feel crummy, and makes me feel even crummier. Yuck.
And then being on the other end of that sucks, too. Not to mention being stood up. I mean, really! Who does that?!? All it takes is a quick message, email, text, phone call, whatever! Two words are all that's needed: Not coming. But I guess not showing up sends a pretty strong message: I am not interested. Again: Yuck. At least I am able to go home to J, a partner that loves me and is into me and doesn't stand me up.
I feel like this is one of my more pathetic posts. But it needed to be written, however poorly. And posted. Because then it feels done-with and over. Goodbye terrible feelings of rejection and dejection. And hello something better :-)