HUMP! 2013

Read all about it here!

My life is complete! For now! Because we have now been to HUMP! 2013! 

Here is/was the line-up (the festival is in Portland next weekend):



My favorites/points of interest/etc.:

-I voted The Legend of Gabe Harding as Best Humor (J voted this way as well). I love that it featured male porn stars’ performance issues remedied via a male fluffer. Other favorite “humor” pieces included Mouthpiece, Japanese Catholic Lesbian School Girls in Love, and Raiders of the Lost Arse.

-I voted His as Best Kink. It was fucking spectacular. One, I absolutely adore “Crave You” (Adventure Club remix, obvs); the movement in the piece was beautifully synchronized with the song. Two, rope = sexy. Three, the D/S component to the relationship was represented gorgeously. I can’t say enough lovey things about this one. It gave me shivers. Second runner-up for Best Kink was Fun With Fire. Both J and I enjoyed this one because it showed the real interactions between the couple, including shock, laughter, hesitance, trust, and comfort. It was also pretty great. J voted for Fun With Fire as Best Kink.

-For Best Sex, I voted Sex House. I loved the raunchy, sweaty, drug-filled atmosphere and the desirous, hot sex between the two lesbian couples. Surprising to J and our sexy friends, I also loved Daddy’s Dolls. I thought the lead person was hot as fuck, and the sensuality radiating between her (using female pronouns because I don’t know what is most appropriate) and the other person was super hot for me to watch. I almost voted Ouroboros as Best Sex, but then decided to vote it as Best in Show; J did vote Ouroboros for Best Sex.

-Best in Show: Ouroboros. It was such a well-done piece. After showing the sex scene between two gay men, the film rewinds scene by scene, back to the hallway and the club and the drinking and the dancing and finally back to a scene of one of the men laying down to masturbate to porn featuring him and the man we see him with at the beginning of the film (a little confusing to relate via text, but it was breathtaking).

[Consider the definition of Ouroboros, in case you weren't aware (from Wikipedia):
"The Ouroboros or Uroboros is an ancient symbol depicting a serpent or dragon eating its own tail. The Ouroboros often symbolize self-reflexivity or cyclicality, especially in the sense of something constantly re-creating itself, the eternal return, and other things such as the phoenix which operate in cycles that begin anew as soon as they end. It can also represent the idea of primordial unity related to something existing in or persisting from the beginning with such force or qualities it cannot be extinguished."
Love it!]

J voted for Raiders of the Lost Arse as Best in Show- he thought it was really clever because of all of the movie and copyright references it made.

Other pieces that are so noteworthy but just didn’t make it into my voting:

-Fuck: Also phenomenal. Slam poetry about fucking narrates over gorgeous images of Black women in the nude. I loved the representation of women of color and the representation of fat women. And, the slam poetry itself was powerful.

-Art Primo: I loved the sensual and slow nature of this one. It reminded me of ArtPorn- the stylized nature reminded me of boudoir photos.

-Inspired Surreality: Yay! We totes know these rockin’, smokin’ porn stars! Well done, you two! Super sexy.

This year’s bonus props were bowling balls, butt plugs, and Hillary Clinton, so there were quite a few pieces with those props. Other common themes: come shots (soooo many come shots this year). And there were two pieces that featured instruments (Mouthpiece and Beethoven’s Stiff). There was also quite a bit of both gay and lesbian sex. And, I was impressed and happy to see the number of pieces that showed condom use.

Yay HUMP! We even got Dan Savage as our MC and I EVEN bought myself a HUMP! shirt. Because I am cool like that ;)

Cocks & Come

Leaving
Coming
Going
Working
Not Sleeping
Exhausted
Loving
Talking
Crying
Misunderstood, judged, pained, hurt
And then
Catharsis:
in this instance, passivity, submissiveness, pleasure
Lingerie
Tongues, licking, biting, rubbing, stroking, vibrating, and
Coming, coming, coming
Cocks, cocks, cocks
(Six of them, to be exact)
All in the name of pleasure, of adventure, of exploration, of desire, of chemistry, of fantasy, of actualization
Later, lying in bed all I feel is my pussy vibrating with the memory of fingers and tongues and cocks caressing it and pounding it and using it
And all I see in my mind are hard cocks, pulsating

Single Male Swingers

I am a good looking, single, fit, down to earth guy that wants to be more involved in the swinging lifestyle. I find it hard as a single male though. Can you give me any advice? 

I can try! As a partnered female, I definitely have a different experience in the swinging community than a single male (most likely) does. Here are my thoughts:

Put yourself out there: Use lifestyle sites (examples: SwingLifestyle, Lifestyle Lounge, Lust Lab, Kasidie; there are tons of sites, and many of them geography-specific), Craigslist, and other online resources that you are comfortable with. Use the profile to demonstrate your intelligence, sense of humor, charm, sense of adventure, desires, and fantasies. Post pictures that truly represent yourself (remember, you will meet people eventually and you don't want to have posted photos from a decade ago). Show up to in-person events if you have them in your area (clubs, parties, and other social gatherings). This is an especially great way to get to know people in your local swing community. If you live in a small area, take advantage of the community online to begin exploring and meeting other swingers. Cultivate your social skills, which leads to...

Respect relationships, boundaries, and rules: Respect the couple's relationship. You are not there to "replace" the male partner, make up for any of his inadequacies, or break them up; quite the opposite. Communicate with potential playmates about their rule and boundaries. These could include sexual boundaries like no kissing, no penetration, or recent STI testing. These could also include relationship boundaries like no phone calls or dates. Or they might include logistical boundaries like play dates only happen at parties or clubs, or only every other Friday. It is important to know what you are getting yourself into so that you can make an informed choice as to whether you will be satisfied (sexually, emotionally, etc.) interacting with potential partners.
This also includes other common points of etiquette, like:
-Always ask before touching, and
-"No" means "no"

Expand your sense of sexual intelligence & sex positivity: This means learning about and keeping an open mind about different sexual behaviors, expressions, acts, and different erotic activities. You don't have to be into them (or even understand them), but it is important to stay open-minded. This is especially important when you are mingling within a sexually open and adventurous crowd. Also, swinging is a pretty heteronormative space (for males); that is, while female bisexuality is highly encouraged and admired, men are not given the same space to explore same sex sexual activity. (I think this is my single biggest gripe with swinger spaces. What the hell is so threatening about men exploring their sexuality? I know so many women that find it incredibly hot. I think men police each other, à la internalized homophobia. Just my little bit of ranting and theorizing.) Even though (male) heteronormativity is the norm, I would highly encourage you to examine your own comfort levels and desires around same sex interactions. I would encourage you to reach a space where you are truly comfortable being naked around other naked men (who wants to be uncomfortable in a group sex scenario, especially if you are intentionally putting yourself in those situations?). What I am really trying to say is: homophobic attitudes are not cool. Don't be homophobic, even if you don't want to engage in any kind of sexual activity with another guy. Be an ally, and be open to the fact that some men are heteroflexible (will play with other men if it's right and fun for them), some are bisexual to varying degrees, and some are gay. Be respectful. Respect is sexy.

Become familiar with MFMs, gangbangs, and hotwifing: These are common configurations when couples add in single males. MFMs are threesomes with two men. Gangbangs are single female-multiple male encounters. Hotwifing may involved the women's male partner present or not, but regardless of his presence, you should remember that hotwifing implicitly involve a hot husband. Generally speaking (but not always), these configurations involve you being naked with other men around, who are often naked themselves. Also, it may be interesting for you to read up a little on sperm competition so that you can understand some of the possible reasoning behind why multiple male encounters can be such a huge turn-on for men. I know a couple of single men who truly, genuinely enjoy being the third to a couple in sexual encounters; they are turned on most by experiences with couples, and thus have a lot of success in having hot encounters. They are able to explain their desires clearly and genuinely, and have ideas themselves about positions, behaviors, and activities that they want to try with a couple. There is definitely a difference between a guy that just wants to get laid and will settle for playing with a couple so he can have sex with a girl, and a guy that actually enjoys the group sex dynamic that playing with a couple (or a group) creates.

Remember you are a whole person and deserve to be treated with respect: Traditional swingers tend to focus on sexual encounters and shy away from emotional intimacy. "Progressive swingers" tend to desire some level of friendship to accompany sexual intimacy. Think about what sounds best to you, and experiment with different encounters to find the right mix of sexual and emotional intimacy for you. It is important to remember that many partnered (traditional) swingers find that swinging kicks their partnered sex life into overdrive, and so other partners they have may fulfill fantasies or desires. This can, I think, be a double-edged sword: you may find it very hot to be the single person that adds some serious heat to a couple's sex life, and you may also feel somewhat discarded after the encounter is over. I think it is really important to know why you want to be involved in the very couple-centric swinging community, so that you are emotionally and/or mentally guarded against unintentional hurt. And remember that regardless of the situation, you deserve to ask for a sexually satisfying experience and be treated with respect.

Does anyone else have any good pointers for single men in the swinging community?

Sometimes Fantasies are Just Fantasies...

...and sometimes dreams really do come true.

Yes, you heard me correctly. Sometimes dreams really do come true.

Is reality ever as good as the fantasy? Should we always try to make a fantasy a reality? Or should we accept a fantasy as such and keep it reserved for whispers and aching insides?

I have accepted that sometimes this is the case. For example, I still have sex dreams about my high school crush. We never talked. We weren't friends. And yet I have this image built up in my mind from high school: my fantasy of being with him. And it is still with me. But would I ever try to actually realize this fantasy? No. It stays with me, in my head, as part of my personal sex life. Similarly, I have little mini crushes on a few different people in my life right now, but for reasons I am saving for another post, I don't have the intent of moving those crushes beyond the crush stage. The feelings that crushes create, and the fantasies that result from them, are delicious. And sometimes it is more than enough to simply enjoy those fantasies. (The idea of a fantasy is so fascinating to me, too, because my fantasies are very much just images and feelings. For J, I think they are much more detailed and specific. If I am fantasizing about a particular person or act, I am usually just fantasizing about how I feel. I think J is fantasizing about details and an actual sequence of events.)

But other times... other times, we make it happen. Like, finally. 

If you are not picking up on this yet, I am actually referring to our gang bang fantasy. It happened, folks, and now we're both just hooked.

First of all, let me discuss the use of the terms "gang bang" versus the term we created, "goddess worship." They are two qualitatively different fantasies. In the first, I give up control, I am submissive, I am completely dominated in a hyper-masculine environment. In the second, I am completely catered to and I feel worshiped through the comments and actions of the people involved. I have both fantasies. I still do not like the term "gang bang." I need another phrase to get across the idea of giving up control and letting my body be used by a bunch of hungry men. "Gang bang" does not accurately describe my fantasy because, to me, "gang bang" connotes violence and coercion, and neither of those things are part of my fantasy. I guess I will just have to keep thinking on it.

So. It was amazing. Four friends plus J meant I had my hands (and other parts) full for a good two hours. I was so mentally turned on that there was a wet spot on the bed bigger than I have ever made before (I wish I could have filmed that for our squirting-loving friends!!). The vulnerability I felt and the resulting excitement was incredible. We started off with me going down on everyone. Then J went down on me and fingered me. And then J turned them loose. Within ten seconds I had a cock in my pussy, a cock in my mouth, and another one in my hand. They rotated through, changing my position from on my back to doggy style to me riding them. Spit roast (me in doggy style while going down on someone) is one of my favorite positions, and I got that a lot. We used the bed restraints and I was blind folded part of the time. Everyone came... many times. And after they all left, J and I reconnected emotionally and physically, and that was amazing. And we have continued to reconnect all day today.

There is more to my "gang bang" fantasy that we did not get to experience. Namely, I want to be a cum slut. And because I am Ms. Public Health, that is a no-go. It makes me so hot to think about four or five or ten loads in my pussy. Jesus. But that just ain't gonna happen. And that is part of the fantasy that will stay as part of our whispers and aches during our play and lovin' time.

And now I am in the midst of planning something a similar encounter to celebrate J's birthday... Only this time it will be filmed, as a surprise for J (as in, he is not as involved with the planning and he won't be there for it). I am so excited to create another experience that we can watch again, and again, and again.

My Gang Bang / Goddess Worship Fantasy

Read this on my new site, SexualityReclaimed!

***

Want to know part of my gangbang/goddess worship fantasy? Read on, read on:

J drops me off at the hotel, where he warms me up. He goes down on me, makes me squirt, but keeps me from orgasm. He leaves me to get all dolled up and to play with my vibrators and dildos, but I will not be allowed to orgasm yet. I wear some sexy lingerie and jewelry and heels. J goes out and meets a group of men (5-15) at a bar near the hotel, and makes sure everyone is still comfortable with the rest of the evening. When everyone is ready, he leads everyone back to our room, where he will first come in alone. He blindfolds me and puts my arms and legs in the bed restraints. He calls me a little gangbang slut and tells me know that there are a bunch of guys waiting to have their way with me. Soon after, he lets everyone in.

When everyone comes in, J fingers me and goes down on me so you can see how I squirt and orgasm. Then I want whoever is ready first to penetrate me and fuck me for a few minutes to warm my pussy up. Without cumming, he takes his cock out of my pussy so that J can fuck me until he comes. Then the first guy can resume fucking me and fuck me as hard and long as he wants until he comes. While this is going on, I want someone to put his cock in my mouth, and I want a cock in each of my hands. When my pussy is free, I want someone else to start using it. After a while, I want the restraints off so that I can use my arms and hands more freely. I want some men to hold my arms and legs down while someone fucks me. I want to be put into whatever positions suits my group. I love doggy style. I would love to be flipped from my back to my stomach and back again. I love spit roast- being fucked from behind while I go down on someone else. I want cock in my face the whole night. I want everyone to come as many times as everyone wants, and I want everyone walking away satisfied. I want to be spanked, my hair pulled, and to be called slut and whore. I want to use the restraints and to be held down. I want come on my ass, tits, face, stomach and legs. I crave being a cumslut. If I ever get tired, I want to simply lay on the bed while everyone uses my pussy. Then I want everyone to slowly leave so that J can pound me and use my pussy for a second or third or fourth time.

***

I fantasize about this so much. J and I have become "those people" that use Craigslist as a sex toy. We have posted several ads to create one of these events, and for some reason or another, they don't manifest (STI concerns, surgeries, family obligations, etc.). I really do hope that at some point in my life, I am able to experience my fantasy and live it out. Because I know. I know it will be super, super hot, hot, hot.

Goddess Worship

Goddess Worship is our new term for the common phrase "gang bang." I do not like that term because of its connotations with violence, coercion, and rape. Goddess Worship (GW) more accurately reflects the spirit of a multiple men-one woman encounter for us: it is mutually desired, it is about one woman being pleasured by many men, and also about the woman's desires and fantasies (including her fantasy of getting many men off at once!).

J and I had no idea this was a "thing" for us before we started all of our conversations and opening up six months ago. Since our two MFM experiences, we have had sexy pillow talk about inviting more men into the encounter, leading to multi-amazing orgasms. We need to make this happen.

What? J wants to do it too? YES! J gets so turned on watching me with other men, and gets so turned on just thinking about it! Sperm competition theory may explain this reaction: evolutionarily, men want to get in on the action so their sperm stand a chance of impregnating the lucky lady. A Billion Wicked Thoughts did a decent job of discussing this theory, and how it explains the popularity of "gang bang" porn among straight men. Sex at Dawn nails its discussion of the theory as well.


The idea of this happening again brings up issues related to casual and intimate sex. We decided that our need to be comfortable with a man is greatly reduced in this situation. Unlike in an MFM where the second M is joining our play, in a GW, it is more about the numbers. I definitely wouldn't want to invite any skeaze-bag into our encounter; I definitely want and need a high level of respect and attraction. But I don't need to want to hang out with a guy or know what he does for fun on the weekend. You need numbers to make a GW awesome. And right now we are shooting for 5-8 other men.


I have gotten off so far on just the thought of this happening... now that it will happen soon I have been trying to evaluate my reaction. Will I actually like it? Will I feel bad turning someone away? Will I be able to effectively communicate what I want to do? Will I be weirded out with men I don't know very well? Will J be as turned on in the moment as he is when he thinks and talks about it? All signs point to a positive experience so far, and I am excited to see if it really is the fantasy I have made it out to be and what new things it brings up for J and I to talk about!